I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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