did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Enjoy the penises
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize