Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
3pm strippers are depressing
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
