someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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