i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
