Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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