My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
