hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
