He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
