arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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