god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
you never un-have a 4some
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