she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
