After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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