lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
