I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
