One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I deserve this hangover.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
