'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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