I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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