So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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