I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
