We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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