I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
