i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
