he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
