that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
