If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
And then he peed in my hair
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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