we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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