He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
