I can text with my tongue
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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