I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
