He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
