I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
