i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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