first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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