Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
