Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
