Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
