i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Randomize
