Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
