Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
