he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
