Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
