I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
