Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
