The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
