I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
