Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
