im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
