some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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