I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
