I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You are the jesus of drinking
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
