girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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