Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
