We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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