Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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