mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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