people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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