so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
