I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize