Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
