Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
