mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
there was a trapeze. enough said
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
