By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
