youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
