Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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