So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize