if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
