Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
