Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
