It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
