I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
