sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Non-Jews are for practice
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
